Modern Franchise Movie and Why They Suck!

This weekend sees the release of The Mummy with Tom Cruise, which is supposed to officially kick-off Universal's attempt at a blockbuster franchise by resurrecting all of the old, classic monster movies of the 1930's. Of course, they have to put a modern twist on it all by throwing in lots and lots of action and CGI because modern audiences aren't intelligent enough to enjoy movies that don't have lots of 'splosions. The Mummy comes out this weekend, to supposedly be followed with a Dr. Jeckyl & Mr. Hyde with Russell Crowe, the Invisible Man with Johnny Depp, a remake of The Bride of Frankenstein, Creature of the Black Lagoon, etc., etc., etc.

Here's the problem....nobody asked for these movies! Nobody cares. If they want to watch Frankenstein or Dracula, they just pop in DVD of the originals which are classics. But there is no burning desire in the public to remake these old classics. Once again, the Hollywood suits are simply so fucking greedy and out of touch that they think they can throw lots and lots of money at a bad idea and think the public will flock to see it. Sure, it's happened in the past with franchises like the Transformers series (why in God's name does anyone even watch those horrible pieces of shit, I will never know), but overall, with only a very few exceptions, remakes and re-imaginings do not work! Look at Baywatch, or the new Alien films.....garbage! Hollywood has become too lazy to bank on anything creative and original, and instead cranks out sequels and franchise movies ad nauseum so they can make the most amount of money doing the least amount of work.

I like Tom Cruise as an actor, even if he is a batshit crazy cultist. But watching the trailers for this

new Mummy movie I couldn't help but think, "Wait, didn't we just have a bunch of Mummy movies only a few years ago?" In fact, most of the scenes in the trailers look like rip-offs directly from the insanely cheesey and fun Stephen Sommers Mummy movies. I watch and think, "Why?" It's like when Sony immediately jumped on resurrecting the Spider-Man series only a couple of years after Sam Raimi finished his trilogy of films. No one asked for it, no one wanted it, and they flopped harder than Hillary Clinton's Presidential campaign.

There have only been a rare few remakes or re-imaginings that have worked, and they only worked when talented film makers were allowed to be creative. John Carpenter's 1982 remake of The Thing, while a box-office flop, is now considered one of the best horror movies ever made. But then Hollywood decides to do a modern CGI laden remake that sucked monkey balls. Aliens was a fantastic continuation of the original Alien film and took the story in an exciting new direction, yet every attempt to continue the cash cow has failed miserably with each consecutive film worse than the next. Oh, and does anyone remember the Jaws sequels? Anyone? Anyone? Bueller? Bueller?

Arguably, the most successful remake of a franchise in my opinion goes to the new Planet of the Apes films. Unlike shyte like the Transformer films, the new Apes films are intelligent, gripping, and the CGI is so flawless you forget it's not real. They have a real story to tell, and I have to give the film makers kudos for having the balls to go into some mature, dark territory.

I'm am thoroughly sick of all the comic book and franchise movies being shoved down our throats. And while we may get the occasional fun film (Iron Man, Wonder Woman), the rest are wholly forgettable. Universals new attempt at franchise building is going to fail, and fail in a big way. Maybe they need to go broke before they start to learn that the public wants to see good movie, not just recycled crap.